Words of a Mentally Insane Person

Update: Preferred pronouns xe, xem, xyr, xyrs

I don't expect anyone to read this, but I'm putting this here as a written contract of what you're getting into if you want to befriends or deal with me.

Missy Ryusaki is a person who feels like xe's lost xyr mind. xe has some sort of anxiety disorder and depression. Also xe is not really called Missy Ryusaki, that's the name for one of her characters she made as a fan character to a character her friend designed.

Xe used to go by Canina but that's stopped now. Now Xe is thinking to start going by Arneb. [Opinions on the name or ideas for one would be nice!!!]

Xe's known to be scared of others and what they'll say because of a lack of communication practice growing up as an online child alone without friends. xe roleplays and depends on fictional things to help herself keep xyr emotions in check and to try to calm herself and try to keep herself sane, as screwed up as it is.

xe currently lives in the United States but will be moving to England in 2014 if all things go right, to live with xyr boyfriend who hopes to help 'cure' xyr of xyr current 'diseases' but xe honestly wishes he'd just give up on xyr and leave xyr alone instead of wasting time and money into loving xyr.

xe also has a moirial who does his best to get positive thoughts and images in xyr head, and xe does the same for when he's down, but even he can't get xyr to keep a positive mine more than a few days if he's lucky.

I honestly don't expect people to pay attention and notice me on the internet. I just thought I'm sick of pretending to be some stable person that I'm not and I'm flat out putting here, that I am unstable. I got self confidence issues to the max. I am terrified of people and I don't know how to make conversations without sounding like a selfish ass. Anyone I like or look up to I'm scared off, because I'm too scared to make them hate me so I try to avoid them and not talk to them.

I know my art isn't the best, I don't have an 'eye' for art. I can't visualize things on paper very well. I can come up with a lot of things in my head but I can't imagine them in 2d space on a piece of paper. Probably why I almost failed geometry and the last chapter of college Calculus that dealt with that subject. Also from aggressive attacks on me to stalking and people some how getting my phone number and calling me, I've lost the ability to just doodle and draw whatever no matter how bad it turned out like I used to so I have to work to try to be able to push myself to draw at all.

I used to make cosplays, but I have stopped because I have not been able to make a cosplay I have been proud of to this point with multiple cosplays under my belt and because I'm tired of the negativity I get when doing it.

I also might stop doing my voice acting projects but for what I've already promised to be in, because of attacks on my voice, the amount of people who drop projects after I do lengthy amounts of lines, and a lack of will to keep pushing something that so many seem to dislike and despise.

I try hard, I really do. To break the bonds on me and to do things. I come up with ideas all the time for projects I want to do. Dreams I want to for fill, but I think I'm wasting my time and yours and I don't like wasting time.

So with that, there's the me I don't show and don't tell people about. There's the real persona of me.


im super happy with my dash rn



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